You Know You’re a Vaper When

You Know You Are A Vaper

When I first switched from tobacco to electronic cigarettes, vaping was pretty much unknown to most folks. Information was not only difficult to find, but largely non-existent. Most of the products sucked big time, and everywhere I went I was received with glances that ranged from suspicion, to disgust.

A couple years later, and it seems that vaping is taking up “steam”, yea, I know (corny). Electronic cigarettes are continuing to infiltrate our society and culture from the ambiguous, “what the hell is that?”, to being bombarded with commercials and actors vaping away on the big screen.

So what is a vaper, anyway? Are you a vaper because you switched to electronic cigarettes, or is it more than that? Lets find out!

Top ten list of, “you know you’re a vaper when…”

10. You’re no longer embarrassed to be seen out in public vaping.
Lets face it, in the very beginning of your venture into the whole “electronic” thing, you were probably insecure about the fact that you would be seen with a “cigarette” whose end would begin to flash at the most inopportune time. Now it no longer matters if you’re seen in public sucking on a device that conjures phallic imagery.

You wouldn’t think twice about being spotted sucking a “BOB”…err, I mean a “BOD” out in public.

9. You know more about VG & PG than your local pharmacist.
It’s not long after going full tilt into the electronic cigarette world, that we begin to experiment with making our own e-liquid. Anything to cut costs, right? So why is it when asking about VG products at the local store, there seems to always be a sense that someone is secretly laughing at us? Probably because they’re thinking we’re hunting down the needed supplies to give ourselves an enema implant…guess what? VG is not only a vital ingredient, it’s more than likely it’s most common use. Go figure!

Nothing like a warm vape after a cold enema, just be sure to change the “liquid” first.

8. You’re actually trying to learn math now.
Stepping up your vape game, you’ve now left the cigalikes behind. Reaching for the moon, you enter the realm of variable voltage, and/or variable wattage territory. For the really adventurous, the stars are next with a shiny new mechanical mod, which ironically, resembles a damn rocket. What you didn’t realize, is that this is going to take a little extra grey matter than before. That’s okay, because the ultimate vape takes priority. Damn Mr. Ohms and his damn laws…because he’s not going to stop this ship from taking off!

Even if you have to recruit your child to “home-school” you in basic mathematics.

7. Having mastered the necessary skills to safely vape mechanical mods, you now secretly harbor a kinship to MacGyver.
This is the time in your life that EVERY thing in sight magically looks like it would make sense to turn into a mod. Your imagination flows freely, and your confidence in your mechanical and electrical skills begin to outweigh any logic you had before becoming a vaper. It doesn’t matter though, because you know you can do it…and the more bizarre, the better!

The Nintendo controller, and coke can mod were already taken, but a ribbed robot penis that doubles as a personal vaporizer mod…now that’s cool! Oh wait, that’s the Tesla! Somebody beat you too it, better luck next time.

6. You now consider yourself a connoisseur of collectible e-cigarette paraphernalia.
Like fine art, you’re searching for the “masterpiece”, the one mod that will render everything else obsolete. Problem is, your criteria for that treasure changes on a monthly and even weekly basis. To make matters worse, to the confusion of your significant other, once you’ve received your vapemail, the quest resumes.

Nothing beats watching a dog chase his tail, except a fellow vaper chasing the perfect “vape”.

5. You now officially think of yourself as a collector!
To be called a “hoarder” is probably giving you slack at this point, especially to the uninitiated. You no doubt have multiple battery chargers going. Spent cartomizers and atomizers strewn about, much like dirty laundry. Empty e-liquid bottles laying around, because you just know that you’ll find a use for them later. Oh yea, don’t forget about all the MacGyver parts that are currently residing on your kitchen table.

It doesn’t matter to you because, hey, you quit smoking…and this is much more than a habit, it’s now become an obsession!

4. Johnny Depp actually seems relevant as an actor, if not cool again.
Granted, it’s been a couple years, but…that doesn’t matter to a true “vaper”. Even though The Tourist was released late 2010, if your a “vaper”, you remember it well.

Do you mind me smoking? It’s not a real cigarette. It’s electronic. It delivers the same amount of nicotine, but the smoke is water vapor. Yea…puff, puff, puff.

I wonder how many have used those EXACT lines as an opener? Never mind, I wonder how many times it has actually worked?

3. Sending picture requests of yourself have become…irrelevant.
When asked to send a picture of your “thing”, you excitedly break out your shiniest, newest, personal vaporizer mod, topped off with your favorite tank or rebuild-able atomizer and snap away. Only to realize later that your “thing” didn’t necessarily mean your mod…but you don’t really care. If they don’t understand, it’s a deal breaker with you.

Besides…you’re mods have now become your “alter ego”.

2. Vaping has now become a part of your subconscious, you live it without thinking.
You’ve now mastered the vape game, and you know it. Strutting confidently with your home-made device and e-liquid, the tune of Staying Alive from Saturday Night Fever flows from your lips without noticing. Hell, you’ve never heard the tune before, but somehow it’s managed to merge into your vaping conscience. Your gait has been replaced with that of John Travolta’s (yes, even the woman). Puffing away in public has now taken on a life of its own.

When others now ask what you’re doing, you reply in a high pitched signing tune, “I’m staying alive…” and then commence to do the splits (in your imagination), that is.

And the number one tell-tale sign you’re a vaper is…

1. You made it to the end of this post, and you realize I’m just blowing smoke…I mean vapor!

What is it that you think makes you vaper? Share your thoughts in the comments!